Today a lovely lady came by to check out all my vintage china, birdcages and general other wedding paraphernalia (aka “wedding 5hit” by Nicky G), which got me to reminiscing. Having to look through all my photos to find pictures of the little details and my centre pieces as ideas for her to steal meant I sat here at my laptop for a long time scrolling through the pictures of our big day, and good lord do I love my wedding pictures! My one piece of advice – get the best damn photographer that your budget can stretch to. Once all is done and dusted, your memories and your photos are all that is left. And as I recently discovered… sometimes even those memories fade…
The other day someone asked me what one item, with hindsight, I would have cut back on. Without even thinking I reeled off a whole list of things that now, just seem ludicrous to have splurged so much of our budget on. At the time though, I was very much of the mindset that if I could solve a problem (and I encountered lots) by throwing money at it, then that’s what I’d do. There was just so much to think about, to do, make, assemble, decide upon, get sorted, delegate, make work, make fit etc etc etc, that for a few things, I just gave up trying to find cheaper solutions and just paid for it simply to get it off my list and out of my headspace.
Now I’m not saying it was wrong, or that I could have made/found better for less money, what I’m saying is that did we even need most of it?
On the same day I was asked about what I would have foregone, I was also asked what flavour cake I had. And do you know what…
I couldn’t remember.
This upset me on a number of levels:
1) I spent months I tell thee, months, perfecting that cake. It was to be the next biggest “personality” item after The Dress. I researched every option to within an inch of my life (and Nick’s sanity). I sampled more cake in a few weeks than I would normally eat in a year, and I eat a LOT of cake. So I put a LOT of effort in to that cake. I got special cake insurance for crying out loud. I was never just going to head to Waitrose to buy off the shelf wedding cake(like the Duchess of Cambridge)*… not that there’s a problem with that… I just wanted something “different”.
2) It reminded me that, after all of the hard work and stress in point 1) I didn’t actually get to eat any of the cake itself. All that work and I didn’t even get a slice. Not even a crumb. The girls in the office tell me it was yum – all the different flavours were, apparently. I wish I knew! In fact I wish I knew what they were, let alone what they tasted like.
3) It finally dawned on me that I really would start to forget these things. Who’d have thunk it? It really is true. Those things start to fade, and not just because of the amount of alcohol I consumed.
But after this evening’s little meet and greet, my heart was warmed again.
So it just goes to show, I’m not always right (shock horror indeed). The ganache in the cake, the ink on the menus, the hand cream in the loos and the ribbon on the napkins didn’t really matter after all…
In fact, did we even have ribbons on our napkins?
I’m a complete stresshead and I’ll always be a planner, a stresser, a worrier, a control freak and an over-thinker. That will never change. But I did learn a valuable lesson – it wasn't about "letting go" of the details and trying to stress less. That'll never happen. It’s was finally realising that it's not the wedding that matters, but the marriage. Awwwwwww.
* Just to point out, again, that I chose Fiona Cairns for my engagement cakes looooong before K-Middy did! I’m just saying…